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This Weekend’s Obsession


As I posted in my last entry, I’ve been reading the blog called Fosterhood in NYC.  Last week I stumbled upon it, and after I read a few intriguing and super funny posts, I decided to start at the beginning.  Prior to the weekend, I was about a year into Rebecca’s journey into foster parenting.  By the weekend, on my agenda, was to find out what happened to her and her the three foster children she’d fostered, and to read through to the end.

I spent most of Saturday night and Sunday night, reading into the wee hours of the morning, to the point I was nodding off and could barely stay awake.  But I couldn’t stop reading!  So I would change position, wake myself up a bit, and continue on.  I finally finished it this morning, and I have to tell you this is one of the best blogs I’ve come across so far.  So good in fact, that I debated about finishing it off, because I dreaded now to be caught up, and in a situation where I have to wait for her to post something new.

It’s not that there’s a great shock value, or some positively horrific story line (though it is beyond sad what these children go through), but the thing that got my attention, is her desire to encourage others, specifically younger people to try foster parenting.   Then what reeled me in and kept me there, strong belief in advocating for children who otherwise, wouldn’t have a voice, from a place of fierce protection and love.

Rebecca is a hilarious, honest, and outspoken, thirty something, single foster mom, living in New York.  She has fostered three children, “Snap”, “Eaglet”, and “Jacket”.  (Obviously all names have been changed to protect the children’s privacy.)  The first  two children were short fosters, but her last one, Jacket, was for over a year.  She is still in touch with all the bio families of the children she fostered, and acts as a support not only for the children, but for the mothers of the children as well.  She currently is not fostering, though is Godmother to two of her foster children, and still has “Jacket” stay in her home from time to time.  She is no longer taking on foster children, but instead is considering adoption.

I know foster parents don’t want to hear  that they’re amazing or incredible people, but I’m sorry Rebecca (if you read this), but you are.  I admire your determination, devotion and strength.  These children are the ones who are the worst off, but I think there is also something to be said for people like you who give their whole heart to their foster children,  knowing that the object of foster care, is reunification with the bio parents.  I don’t care how much you remind yourself this is the goal, and that this process is all about the child, investing your heart hurts when you have to let go.  All three children were very lucky to have been given to you, and Jacket perhaps the luckiest, because you have been given the opportunity to be with her the longest.   I know you would probably say you were the lucky one, and that’s a part of what makes you so great.

I don’t want to give anything away, because I’m really hoping this will encourage some people to head over to Fosterhood and check it out themselves.  But Rebecca, I just want you to know I’m rooting for permanent reunification of you and Jacket.  It would be wonderful if being with her bio mom was the best thing for her, but sadly, it isn’t.  She is meant to be with you.  I just hope it’s for always and forever.

Coming Out


Not really sure how to start this blog other than to say M and I have decided to adopt!  Yay!  This is our official coming out party!  Our adoption cotillion if you will.  Well, mine I guess, being as I’m the blogger.  M is just the date I’ve dragged along to the dance.   Anyhow, both of us been waiting a long time to start our family, and I am so happy to be finally moving in a direction that will hopefully make children a reality for us.

We have decided to adopt domestically, and to pursue a public adoption as opposed to private.  For those of you not familiar with the ins and outs of adoption, I’ll explain the different options that are available.


    • International Adoption–  This would be adopting outside of Canada, or within Quebec.  (Yes, in Quebec, they deem an interprovincial adoption “international”.  This is done through an adoption agency, or with the aid of a licensee. Age ranges for these types of adoption can be anywhere from babies to teens, and the cost can run on average, anywhere from $30000-$50000 dollars.  (Not sure, but I would think Quebec would be less than this; more likely around the cost of a private domestic adoption.)
    • Private Domestic Adoption–  This is adopting within Canada through an agency or licensee.  Inter-provincial adoptions can and do occur, however, the most common is usually within your province of residence.  Couples/Individuals seeking newborns usually pursue this option, as it centres mostly around mothers who are pregnant and looking to place their child.  In most cases, the mother picks the adoptive family she wants for her child with the help of the agency or licensee.  Costs for this can range on average, anywhere from $10000-$20000.
    • Public Domestic Adoption–  This is again, adopting within Canada, but in this instance, it is done through a public agency, which in Ontario, is the Children’s Aid Society (CAS).  Age ranges for this type of adoption are anywhere from toddlers up to age 18.  Newborns or children under the age of one are extremely rare.  There is no cost to adopting publically, other than the minimal cost of fingerprints and police background checks which must be submitted with the adoptive couples/individual’s application.

Initially we were unsure of which route we would go, and but were thinking we’d be pursuing a private domestic adoption.  M had a preference of a baby for our first child, so we figured we would be going that route.  However, we weren’t committing ourselves to anything until we’d looked into both sides.  So at the beginning of this month we attended an info session on public adoption at the Children’s Aid office.

In our discussion on the way home that night, M said after going to the info session, he was more comfortable with the thought of an older child, and didn’t necessarily feel drawn to the idea of a baby any longer. He said that the babies in private adoption will be adopted without a doubt because it seems everyone wants a baby when they adopt. (Currently, there are 100-150 couples/individuals waiting to adopt, for every 1 baby that is born. That’s a whole lot of competition!)   But these kids were already waiting for parents.  He thought that going this route “just felt right”.

Hearing that from him just sealed the deal for me and I was completely on board.  I was so excited he felt this way! This was music to my ears, because during my research of public adoption, I had signed up for access to the Adopt Ontario website, where you can view profiles of children in the care of CAS who are waiting to be adopted. I didn’t have my heart set on any child in particular, but there was just something about seeing those kids and knowing they were already out there, that had started to turn my heart away from private adoption.

The music wasn’t over yet. He added he’d even be willing to accept two siblings!  So it was decided then and there, that we would be going home, and starting work on our CAS adoptive parent application.

It’s quite surreal to be talking about all this, and be talking about it in the present, “We’re going to adopt”, instead of the “We’re looking into adoption”, context.  It still doesn’t feel real.  At times it feels silly to be excited because we haven’t even submitted the application yet, so it doesn’t feel like we’ve officially started anything, but I guess it’s just the excitement of a new plan, after our initial plan to have biological children was quashed by infertility.  For a long time, there wasn’t too much positivity going on, and it’s just nice to finally be in a place again where we can think about children and not have it sting so badly.

So this blog is my official launch into the big bad world of parenthood through adoption.   The wholeprocess of adoption is terribly overwhelming with everything you have to consider personally, as well as through the application process.  But at the moment, the anticipation is outweighing that for the most part.  (I’m sure that will not be the case, very soon.)  We know that we have a long road ahead, but we really hope that with some of the positives we have going from an application standpoint (more on that later), we won’t see our already 10 year wait being extended by much longer.

I’m excited to share our process with people; especially friends and family.  Some of you have been with me on the infertility roller coaster since day one, and some of you are just finding out about all this now.  Wherever you fall between those two, I hope you will check in from time to time and see where we are, and ask questions, as well as offer your insight and encouragement.  We don’t know anyone who has adopted, so this will be a learning curve for us as well as some of you.  Right now, all I know is the theoretical side, and I’m ready and willing to get to the practical side of it!

As for those of you who don’t know us and stumbled upon this while researching your own adoption, I hope this gives you some useful information that will help you in your journey.  I’m sure I will more than cover anything you want to know (and probably some stuff you didn’t), with all my excited babbling, but if there’s anything you’re curious about that I haven’t covered, please don’t hesitate to ask.

So that’s it.  First blog entry of many, complete. 🙂